Halloween is here, and I am reminded of Kelly. Every year she decorated the house inside and out. She loved shopping with her Dad, choosing a pumpkin, sometimes two, and bringing them home so they could carve them up while Mom toasted the pumpkin seeds in the oven. Every year she planned ahead for her costume. Kelly loved Halloween!

Kelly had never worn a store bought costume as her mother, Gwen, was so creative with the sewing machine. Mother and daughter planned out a new costume every year. One time Kelly was Princess Leia, another year she was a ballerina, the next, a cat, and the next time Kelly dressed as Batman. That was a difficult costume to make. The year before last, she missed Halloween completely, though Kelly joked that she was dressed as a patient. She had been in the hospital very ill with the effects of her long time battle with Osteosarcoma.

She didn't quite miss Halloween entirely, though. The nurses dressed up, decorations were on the wall, even candy was distributed, and Dad brought a small carved pumpkin. But, it was not the same as answering the door when just before sundown handing out candy to the little kids. It was not the same as wearing her own hand made costume. It was not the same as going out later to go trick or treating with her friends.

So last year, Kelly wanted to make up for the previous year. When she began in early September to talk to her mother about making a new costume, Gwen worried. Would Kelly make it to Halloween? The doctors didn't think so. Though Kelly had been in remission for a few months, and her hair had grown back in, the bone cancer had already taken over her daughter's body again, and this time the metastasis was everywhere. There was nothing more the doctors could do.

In a way, Gwen admits she was a little bit relieved that the doctors didn't continue to try to force any other drugs through Kelly's veins. She had seen too many parents pushing for a last ditch effort. She says she wanted her daughter to have a chance to just "be".

Gwen’s heart felt like it had been ripped out of her ever since the diagnosis had been made. But, as summer began to burn out, so did Kelly. So much pain, so much suffering, her daughter had grown so thin. She just couldn't watch her child continue to suffer like that anymore. Every moment, every day, every minute, every breath that Kelly took, Gwen was right there breathing it with her. Gwen had left her job to spend whatever time Kelly had left.

Kelly's Dad knew the only thing he could do was to keep working to keep a roof over their head, to maintain the medical insurance which barely covered Kelly's medical expenses. Neil lived with a certain amount of guilt that he couldn't be there with his wife and daughter. Neil felt that being separated from his little girl when she needed him was almost worth it, though, just to see the joy on her face every evening when he came home.

Regardless of the doctors prognosis, Gwen sewed the Angel costume Kelly hoped to wear. “Kelly wasn't oblivious of the irony of her costume choice. “Barb says, “She knew her time was short. We’ve never hidden anything from her. Maybe it was a symbolic expression of her faith that she would soon be in heaven. I never thought to ask her. I just wanted to make her happy. I would have done anything she asked, though she seldom asked for anything.”

Right from the beginning, when Kelly’s leg hurt her so much, and visits to the doctor ended up in scans and tests of all sorts, Kelly wasn’t the kind of child who behaved fearful and tearful. “Right from the day when we learned the diagnosis. Kelly acted so grown up, asking the doctor questions we never thought to ask. She went through her first surgery to remove the tumor and chemo more bravely than her mother and I.” Neil says.

Within 18 months, the bone cancer recurred and it became necessary for amputation of Kelly's leg. She was very much a part of the decisions to be made. Gwen had cried while Kelly comforted her. "Mom, it's only a leg. Besides I was never good at ballet. Remember?"

Kelly's successfully completed Physical Therapy with her new leg. One could look at Kelly walking down the street and never guess of her medical history at that time. Finally, the nightmare seemed to be over as her health returned. Kelly was wise beyond her years. Cancer seems to do that to kids. In the playroom in the hospital kids occasionally talk with one another about what is happening to them. But, mostly they play. And sometimes they lay in the hospital bed looking clear as a diamond, while blood products drip into their veins to repair the damage done by the poisons meant to kill their cancers. And then the time comes when nothing more can be done, and the parents take their child home to live out their time, as Gwen and Neil did.
They set up a hospital bed in the living room facing towards the big picture window giving a view of the front yard and street. Sometimes Kelly counted the falling leaves and when Dad came home she asked him to bring in a few. That was about the time that Neil went out to the garage, dug out the Halloween stuff, decorated the yard with Frankenstein, and spider webs. He brought in a pumpkin and carved it at Kelly’s bedside as she gave directions.

Halloween night, the children came to the door to shout “Trick or Treat!” and stared in awe when they came in to collect their candy from the beautiful angel quietly smiling at them from the bed all decorated to look like a cloud.


Gwen and Neil couldn’t bring themselves to remove the Halloween decorations even as the snow covered them. Kelly had lasted another two and a half weeks.